Rotten Tomatoes

Sir Reginald Smoosh was discovered reclining inside a cereal bowl at the craft fair, looking profoundly disappointed in the concept of breakfast. His wool had a regal squish, his eyebrows were permanently furrowed in dignified confusion, and his little felt teeth hinted at either a charming overbite or centuries of tomato lineage. No one dared ask. He was adopted by a seven-year-old named Jasper who believed Sir Reginald was once a royal advisor to a fruit kingdom. The tomato did not deny it. Within hours, Sir Reginald had taken over Jasper’s bookshelf. He perched atop a stack of graphic novels, declared the territory sovereign, and issued a ban on juice boxes without proper ceremony. All court decisions are now made by pointing dramatically at Sir Reginald and asking, “What say you?” He has developed a taste for classical music (or at least the vibration of the speaker) and insists on attending all family dinners from a velvet jewelry box that has been repurposed into a throne. He does not eat, but he judges. One time he rolled off the table during a spelling test. Jasper claims it was a tactical move to distract a rival. Sir Reginald has never confirmed or denied this, but he hasn’t fallen since.